The Greatness in a Dream is How Many Dreams it Holds

Study Hard + Play Hard + JESUS = Joy + Peace

Thursday, February 23, 2012

On this random day, I have decided to revive my blog again. So far, this yr have been great where I am making full use of my time and enjoying my work. After leading a very busy pace of life for so long, as I slow down after my last appointment every night with my tired body, at times I think I will still wish to be able to be taken care of. Many times, my same friend will "chide" me to be less independent, to show myself weak or to ask for help, so far I will show it to God only. Haha.

Especially after working at the Supreme Court for a while now and seeing all the high flyers and those aunties and uncles who work with me everyday who thought that I was this "sweet pampered girl" I think a part of me still hope that if life was easier for me growing up. I often get comments from others that i look like the only child, cause i looked like "the pampered kid". I thought this is so funny because life is the total opposite for me all my life but God has been

This year is a year of recuperate for me-body, soul and spirit. I will take better care of myself and learning to love people around me better too. :D

Monday, December 26, 2011

Setting Off!

went to watched "You Are The Apple Of My Eye" with Yam and John just now. this is my second time watching it, yet still find it sweet. it feels almost like the duplication of my secondary school days! it is the sweetest phase of my life. looking back, be it there seemed to be more tears than laughter, but those tears were the reason these memories are most precious to me.


in a few days time i am going to be 21 yrs old, though not officially and i look forward to the brand new journey! finally that i had break away from my greatest obstacle for the past 4yrs, A levels. i feel extremely freed and i dare to dream about my future once again. the past 4yrs seemed to be trapped in a curse of failure from the wrong decision i made back then. but right now, i am freed! yea.

lately, i have been very stringent on myself then realized how imperfect i am. and the numerous things i need to work on. sigh. haha.

i look forward for uni campus life, creating new beautiful memories for my youth once again. it's going to be exciting! and i look forward to meet new wonderful friends and also the right person who will be perfectly compatible for me and will love me for who i am more than anyone else. since i have been extremely careful these few years and making much effort to build myself up, it's time for me to open up. like the same, be it there will be more tears or laughter in the next phase of my life, i am very determine to create a sweet memory for myself even as i look back many years later.

buckle up, let's go! ;D

Saturday, July 02, 2011

missing you. =D

i've realised the previous few posts sounded quite emo. hah, but actually i'm really fine. cant be happier, even with a few mishaps as and when abruptly. i learn to deal with them better, i am able to stir myself up again each time when i feel discouraged. =D

am i ageing? i feel like an old woman trying to recall to her past, thinking of beautiful ppl in her life. missing each and every single angels that had made her laugh. wishing she can have all her time and energy to catch up with every single one of these beautiful ppl.

some ppl distant because of the changing in the priorities in their lives. some distant due to the busyness of life. while others distant because of the moment of lack of courage to pursue the friendship. i hope by understanding more about myself, i can minimize the chances of such regrets more. =)

and i cant be more grateful for God to place all these wonderful ppl in my life. be it you walked with me for my whole lifetime, a few years, months, weeks or even just mere few days, as long as our hearts had connected, you are special in my heart forever. thank you my angels! =D

Saturday, May 07, 2011

i've just realised... it's been 13 years...

today was mother's day celebration in church. carmen performed and shared about her testimony of her mum's death two years ago and i wasnt surprised at all because i' knew about it all along. until she started singing "shi shang zhi you ma ma hao". i was really ok till the part "mei ma de hai zi xiang gen chao", my pearl-like tears just start rolling down my nicely-powdered cheeks uncontrollably. i, myself was shocked by my response! for so many years, i really thought i had gotten over it, and i often joke about it. but today, i really almost cried my lungs out, but i used my whole might and held it back. i used to think i hate this song when i was in primary school, but 13 years later, i just realised after not hearing it for so many years, i was afraid of the song dats why i avoiding hearing it all these years.

i think i cried not really because i missed her, as i can barely remember how she was like and those impressions are just what i heard from the adults. i cried, i guess were the grieves and hurts of an orphan for the past 13 years. helpless, defend-less, accused, humiliated, abused, abandoned, unwanted, lonely. how i manage to keep myself alive for the past 13 years when i was supposed to be dead. i really thank God that i met Darryl, Bro Mj and Carol. it's a miracle dat i am still alive and a bonus to be able to love people who are as wounded and hurt. my hurts helped me to empathize and love.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

can i let my heartbeat stop?

Sunday, April 17, 2011

伯牙吊子期, 知音更有誰 ?

Yu Boya was a famous music master during the Spring and Autumn Period. He was bright and eager to learn when he was young. After three years learning from his teacher Lian Cheng. He had already had a good command of the temperament and superb skills in playing the musical instrument. A few years later, his skills in playing the musical instrument had already reached a fairly high level. But he still felt that he could not superbly express the various things which had deeply impressed him. Knowing what was in his mind, his teacher said he would take Boya to his own teacher who would help Boya with his music.

He took him to the penglai Island, a fabled abode of immortals, on the East China Sea by boat. When they reached there, Lian Cheng told Yu Boya to wait while he went to pick up his teacher. Then he disappeared with his boat. Boya waited and waited but his teacher didn't come back for several days. His heart was filled with sadness. The running waters. The flying seagulls and the silent woods all seem to be composing a sad melody. With myriads of thoughts welling up in his mind, he began to play a tune on his musical instrument. He found his music got more expression. It turned out that his teacher was putting him there by himself on purpose to let him find an inspiration in the arms of Nature.

On the island, Boya enjoyed the natural scenarios and listen to the roaring of the great waves. He incorporated the beautiful nature with his music, thus reaching a realm of thought he had never experienced before. Later Boya became a famous musician but his tunes were not immediately by all the people of his time.

One day Boya was boating alongside the river bank. A heavy downfall struck and suddenly Boya felt an urge to play his Guqin. The melodious music became more and more beautiful when he felt someone was listening. Boya came out of the boat, and saw a woodcutter standing on the bank. He knew that this man was keenly appreciative of his talents, because he understood his music. He immediately invited the woodcutter, Zhong Ziqi, to his boat. Full of zest, Boya played the musical instrument for him. When Boya played a piece of music eulogizing the high mountains, the woodcutter said, "The melody is as magnificent and dignified as Mount Tai which reaches to the sky!" When he played a piece of music depicting the turbulent waves, the woodcutter said, "The melody is as vast and mighty as the great rivers!" Boya was excited, and said, "Bosom friend! Only you can understand my music!"

They agreed that Boya would visit Zhong Ziqi again when he's back from his tour. When he got back and visited Ziqi, the later had already passed away because of illness. Boya was so sad. He played a tune before Zhong Ziqi's tomb, then broke his Guqin into pieces. He never played music ever since.


Quoted from History Cultural China


1.

昔年倚棹清江頭;與君邂逅情綢繆。
豈料,而今到江上;不見知音空自愁。
傷心,傷心,復傷心!江漢為我生愁陰。
含情不忍委壘墓;酹酒淋灕空滿斟。

2.
別來各處天一方;清江月夜情難忘
重來訪君,君物故;令人鬱抑心徬徨。
子期,子期,子期兮!聽我琴中也睨擬語。
調高,曲怨,聲呼號;只為思君淚如雨。

3.
思君苦兮情如癡;琴聲切切相凄其。
相凄其,心轉悲;
與世知音更有誰?
知音更有誰?

this was the poem Bo Ya wrote for his friend.

how beautiful is this story on friendship?

there was this movie that Wang LeeHom wrote based on the story. "Lian Ai Tong Gao". the story is really beautiful even though the connection between the scenes are not so smooth.

and, recently i met someone in my life that really really scares me, because he reminds me very much on the movie and the story on Bo Ya and Zi Qi. my one week friend that leaves such a deep impression in my heart and mind. someone who i hav not met before, knows what i am thinking before i can even speak it out? knows me, knows my heart. i'm really amazed how "absurb" is it for me to meet someone like that in my life. like the modern version of Boya and Ziqi. the thing that struck me most is, "how can someone who i had just know for one week and met less than what the fingers on my hands can count made such an impact in my heart?" our friendship seemed to be taking a "pause" after the first week. or is it a "stop"? it's been 3weeks and almost a month since the "pause", but i just cant help. nothing, no words can express how i feel to be away from my friend. only Boya and God will know. my heart really misses my friend deeply. really really.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

'im not sure if this is the fate of a Christian walk. you'll grow and be really passionate on serving God. you wanna love God more, and ppl more. As you grow in ur walk, acquire more wisdom, you become more and more rational and become more passive? if we shld calculate all the consequences before acting, where is the faith factor?

i'm being trained to become God's leader, a phase of building my foundations. there's no more affirmations, no more encouragements, higher expectations, ppl are only willing to give limited benefit of doubt and things arent as easy as i thought it was. i used to think loving ppl is an easy thing to be, as i freely receive, i will be able to give free as well. but i'd realised not. was it acquired wisdom or spirit of discernment, or just my heart had been corrupted? my eyes sees the ulterior motive of ppl's heart. i need to re-learn to be a friend to love ppl.

when i look at ppl dat i really look up to, are they really happy? above all those struggles they had to constantly fight and the sacrifices they have to make yet ppl do not appreciate. to qualify to become one of them in future, one of the fruit of the Spirit is long suffering. wow. am i up to it? at this phase, i guess it's inevitable to ask myself more and more questions.